How to find the words

I grew excited about making this blog. I was brainstorming topics for the past few weeks, much to my mother's dismay. Sure enough on New Year's day I resolved to just do it (will have to rename later). Of course making it is easy, maintaining it is another task all together.

One of my resolutions is to drastically decrease the amount of excuses I make. So far I've been on top of it. Sort of. I won't lie and say I've been too busy to write. I haven't. Rather, my mind can't seem to get the words down. I know what I want to say but somehow everything I write doesn't seem good enough. I am using words which don't properly express my feelings and thoughts. Even these words. How do you express yourself when you just can't seem to find the right words?

I have a notebook, several actually, where I write without a filter or expectations. But that doesn't do anything for me. I don't go back to previous entries. I throw out the notebooks once full. I was encouraged to blog because I wouldn't be able to ignore myself. It'd force me to write with uncertainty, face some abstract fear, and really consider the questions I think. The possibility of being seen is here. Only now I'm here and I can't write. Yet I know I have to. We'll see how this develops.