The Perk to Being a Dreamer

With reality and imagination overlapping in my dreams, how do I know the real from the unreal, the truth from its opposite, and what’s known from what is not? Princeton alumna and poet Jane Hirshfield once wrote ''Some questions cannot be answered./ They become familiar weights in the hand,/ Round stones pulled from the pocket, unyielding and cool.'' These questions may never hear an answer uttered from my mouth, though my mind may revisit them often. Like a rare, beautiful, smooth stone, however, my questions may have superficial answers that appear to be unblemished, but whose inner core lacks a perfect, timeless essence. As unyielding as any stone may be, so too are these most existential of questions I ponder perennially. Yet, as with the Grand Canyon, whose very grandeur is still being guided and carved by even the calmest of waters, I persevere to approximate an answer.

A father once said dreams were doors that lead into other realms. A dreamer envisions, not for the sake of imagination or out of boredom, but for the purpose of learning something relevant to themselves or the world around them. Dreams are conduits upon which one can step back from everyday situations and contemplate choices. If he is correct, then my dreams are nurturing my contemplations towards a career in health that seems to best fit my interests, potential, and aspirations. Yet I am unable to overcome the realities of death. The ambiguous power my hands could yield, effecting life or documenting death, is a truth that seems to be one of the few life affords anyone. Do all doctors, at some point, reconcile these thoughts or are they like that smooth stone, constantly seeking an absolution from these fears and promises?

If I imagine that stone in Jane Hirshfield’s poem, I hope I will immediately remember that the questions of what’s real, what’s true, and what’s known can only be answered if one is truly alive. Living is a daily goal that I strive to improve upon my previous day’s efforts, so that maybe, someday, I may have my own answers to these pervasive questions. So when I think about what’s real, true, or known, what I know at this point is that not trying my very best every day is the very opposite to me.